Thursday, November 10, 2011

Lesson Learned.

So this week has been one of the more stressful, frustrating, and insightful weeks of my life. A pretty bold statement I know. Allow me to explain.

I had 4 tests this week. FOUR. That is 4 more then I'd like to have. (Obviously.) And if you have been diligently reading my blog (which you better be..) then you know I am no good at taking tests. If you are one of the not-so-diligent readers, click here.

First I had my Book of Mormon test. I read all the required reading, went to every class period, went to the early morning review session, studied a bunch on my own and then went to take the test. Didn't do well. "Surprise, surprise" I thought.

The next day I had my Effective Study and Learning Test. Same routine, went to every class, did all the readings, studied a lot, and then took the test. I got an 86% on the multiple choice. (There were a lot more writing stuff too that hasn't been graded yet.) Pretty happy about that. But in all honestly, the class is only 1 credit. The tests are supposed to be easy.

Then came American Heritage. I went to every class and lab, read most the readings, went to reviews, studied with a group and by myself, then took the test. During I was kept thinking, "Oh! Good I know this, this isn't so bad!" Didn't do well. I left the testing center so frustrated. At first I was in shock. Speechless. So much work was put into that test. So much time and effort. Then after the shock of it all I got angry. All that work for what? An embarrassingly horrible grade? Then I just felt awful. I felt pathetic and frankly I felt stupid. Then I did the only thing I know to do in these situations. I called my Mom. She always knows what to do. After a reassuring talk with her letting all my emotions out I calmed down and started to think of the things that needed to be done in order to do well on my final.

I still have one more test this week. Physical Science. And honestly odds are it will go exactly as American Heritage went. But that's ok. Things work out. I'm learning from all this. Here are some things I've learned about myself-

  • I like to do things myself. I don't like to get help. I'm a little arrogant that way. This also makes me learn things the hard way. I kept thinking that if I just studied harder I could do better without any "accommodations" or extra help. It took me a semester or two but I got it. I can't do everything by myself. I need help. I'm only human. And I'm not stupid.
  • I am a generally happy person. This is both a blessing and a bit of a curse sometimes. No matter how bad a situation my be I can only stay unhappy for a little bit. No matter how hard I try to stay mad I just can't. I remember driving home after a lacrosse game where I played particularly bad and just trying to be angry the whole car ride home. I just thought that's what I had to do. It's what I deserved. But I just couldn't. I tried listening to some angry music, but I couldn't find any on my iPod. I just can't be unhappy for very long. It doesn't take much to cheer me up. Which overall is a good thing. 
  • God is good. I've been saying this a lot lately but it's so true. God is so good. And that's just that, God is good. 

Now, wish me luck as I go on to my next test and try to take the necessary steps to save my grades from being too horribly embarrassing. And as I suck up my pride to get help to deal with me Executive Functioning Disorder. Both of which are quite daunting tasks.

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